Flaw recognition

Did you ever have moments in your life where you realized things for the first time that were right in front of you?  One of those "can't see the forest for the trees" moments?

I only recently learned something about my personality that I have observed my whole life, but just never came to grips with the simplicity in its presence in my life as a fundamental character flaw.

I actually have a temper.  That I have the ability to lose given the right chemical reaction.  What are the ingredients, though?

One part surprise: This happens when I don't live in proactive caution that someone might come my way whose sole purpose in life is actually not to make my day better.  (Although it may sound similar at first, this is actually way different from always being proactive in the belief that everyone is out to ruin my day.  Yikes, there's no one like that out there, right?)

Two parts a generally passive nature:  This one has worked against me for as long as I can remember.  This is one that people would identify with if when reading the first sentence of the third paragraph, they went, "Whaaaaaa?"  I usually go with the flow.  Even when I don't want to.  And in doing so, it causes me to reach a breaking point.  Not cool.

Three parts pride:  Yes, my pride really can get in the way sometimes as this precocious, overbearing, arrogant misfit that silently says to everyone that comes across his path, "Ha! I don't know what you're thinking right now, but whatever it is? I'll bet I know way more than you on that topic!  In fact I know it the way that I know it AND the way that you know it."

This is a recipe for disaster, especially since you could change up the end result a million different ways when you think of a dash of setting, experience, audience (which I have, even if I'm by myself), and so many other variables.

So what do I do with this?  Well, I think the first step of recognition is already done.  Recently someone said something to me hoping to get a rise out of me and at first I really could feel the instinct coming up from the depths in the form of a sarcastic remark or something else I might be able to use to bite back.  I literally didn't say a word but I just looked at him.  I could tell that my choice really threw him for a boomerang.  He didn't know what to think.

So I've been able to practice this so far with strangers.  Now to work on this with an entirely different demographic: The ones that know and love and are closest to me the most.

Saved

It's now the 21st and Noah hasn't made his debut yet.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  I admit I'm in a little bit of a whirlwind of emotion and thought right now.  A lot of it has to do with watching others in the way they live out their lives.  Some of it has to do with figuring out that fine line between being happy with me and yet at the same time never settling for just being content to stay in my comfort zone.  A lot of times I feel like I am able to think of every single solitary person I know at the same time and my biggest want is to have all of you together in one place:

The people that I've offended or hurt, the people that I've built up, the people that have hurt me, the people that have helped me, the people that I'm watching go through the worst time of their lives right now, the people that have everything going their way right now.

And I'd love to be able to get you to see how special every single one of you in every single one of those categories (and more) are to me.

I kinda wish I could save the world, you know?  Have you ever felt that way?  You see all the hurt and you wanna just save it?

The good news is that the hurt has already been saved.  The answer is in the very first bible verse I ever memorized.  My brother and I were at a puppet show performed at an event called Jesus Northwest back in the mid-80's.  It goes:

"For God so loved that world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life."

May you believe in Him.  Today.

Car! .... Run On!

Howdy!

Okay. I won't mince words. I picked a bad month to double my goal. Why? Well:

1. I'm about to have a new baby in the house. Am I really that dense that I think I won't be struggling to find extra energy to even maintain my current goal of 50 miles for the month?

2. I just discovered and learned some stuff about my stride that is basically forcing me to start from scratch as far as conditioning my body for running. Eep!

So that's the long and the short of it. I'll keep you guys posted, but honestly, the next time you hear from me will prolly be in regard to how seeing my son the first time changed my life.

Ta-ta.

My playing today.

Today I played different on the drums than I ever have before. I kept it so low volume-wise and so simple. I didn't do anything real tricky or abstract or obscure. Of course this is under the assumption that those words should really be in " " because it's all a matter of opinion. The probable reality is that everything I play is simple, it's just complicated to me. Also I'm sure I still played plenty loud at certain moments. 

I'm just saying that as a whole, the session felt so different compared to all the previous weeks. 

And I think I really liked it. I've decided that I'm going to commit to playing this new way from now on. 

Until I change my mind again. 

What are your thoughts? Could you tell a difference in today? If so what did you like or dislike about it?